A Little Sports Humor For "the girls"

Wow, this gave me a great laugh today. Enjoy!

How to Put On a Sports Bra.

BY ANNA LEFLER

1. Approach the sports bra with confidence, secure in the belief that you will wear it.
2. Holding the sports bra open by its bottom edge, peer into it and locate the medium-sized opening in the center of the cavity. This is your target.
3. Take a moment to ask yourself the following questions:
     A. Am I naked from the waist up?
     B. Have I removed my glasses?
If the answer to either is "no," make the necessary adjustments and return to Step 1.
4. Snake your right arm through the right armhole as far as it will go. Repeat for left arm and left armhole.
5. Assume power stance: feet shoulder-width apart and knees slightly bent. Hook your thumbs into the sports bra's bottom-edge elastic and pull it out in front of you as far as possible. (Note: do not let go.)
6. In one, deft motion, pull the elastic toward you and over your head. If you have martial arts training, this would be the time to release your battle cry, or kiai.

7. You should now be standing with arms pointing skyward, the sports bra encircling you at chin level, binding your biceps to your ears.

8. Remain calm. Visualize yourself wearing the sports bra while engaged in a pleasant activity, such as not watching Jersey Shore.

9. Cross your arms in front of your face, grasp the bottom of the sports bra and begin tugging it down to your chest. This process should take 2-25 minutes and can be streamlined by the removal of one of your arms (advanced yoga practitioners only).

10. If you have followed steps 1-9 correctly, the sports bra is now strapped across the rise of your bosom, compressing the breasts downward to the point that you can see your pulse in your areolas.

11. Resume power stance (see Step 5). Holding firmly to the bottom edge of the sports bra, pull it away from your body in a downward arc until it grazes your kneecaps. Then, with a scraping motion, drag the sports bra upward along the front of your body, capturing all excess flesh in its path.

12. When the bottom elastic reaches the desired altitude on your rib cage, release it. Then, while holding the top of the sports bra away from your body with one hand, plunge the other hand into the sports bra to distribute and align its contents, which should include both of your breasts.

Note: If you are unable to locate two (2) breasts in the sports bra, do not become alarmed as they are likely nearby. Remove the sports bra (see "How to Take Off a Sports Bra") and return to Step 1 of these instructions

PLAYlisting

Music on demand has become such a big part of our lives. We are able to instantly download the song we heard on that commercial (after a 10 second google search, of course) and are spoiled by the likes of Pandora that can instantly give us new tunes/artists and after a few quick thumbs up or down, we are left with a near-perfect radio station, molded to a mood, a taste, a genre. Now that we have been given this technology, is it any wonder that the mix has been taken to a new level? And with that...the playlist.
 While RC Sue would have my head for condoning the use of headphones while on a hike (the mountain lions wouldn't mind), I'd be lying if I said I never took some tunes along on trail (in my defense, I only wear one headphone). The right song can push you harder, capture a feeling, motivate and inspire.
  Musical fads come and go, as do motivating songs, but there are some that last the test of time and have the power to drive me to walk faster or add a level of resistance to the stair climber. In fact, if you frequent a certain 24 Hour Fitness in Omaha, you probably saw me once or twice, climbing those stairs in a weighted pack, sweating my face off and lip-syncing along to my tune du jour. I love music. I love working out to music.
  We all have different musical tastes and I am about to embarrass myself by sharing the songs that are still pushing me in athleticism. I am doing this just in case you are interested in snagging them for yourselves. I am also hoping that you will share your latest inspirational melodies with me so that I may download them and add them to my workout playlist. So, please extend some grace while reading this. Without further adieu, my workout favs, in no particular order:

Paper Planes- M.I.A
Seven Nation Army- White Stripes
She Moves in Her Own Way- The Kooks
Saeglopur- Sigur Ros
Ain't No Mountain High Enough- Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell
The Underdog- Spoon
Another One Bites The Dust- Queen
Let The River Run- Carly Simon
God's Gonna Cut You Down- Johnny Cash
Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy)- Big & Rich (yep...sigh)
Powerless- Nelly Furtado
The Cave- Mumford & Sons
The Boxer- Simon & Garfunkel
Shut Up and Let Me Go- The Ting Tings
Teardrop- Massive Attack
I Want You back Remix- Jackson 5
They- Jem
Your Ex-Lover Is Dead- Stars
Run-Around- Blues Traveler
More Than A Feeling- Boston
Something's Got Me Started- Swingfly

Okay...there are maybe a kajillion more that I love but there's a start. Your turn

Ode to Duct Tape

Whether you are a car camper or a backcountry guru, gear damage is inevitable. I have ripped down jackets, drenched my sleeping bag, ripped bootlaces and otherwise abused my stuff. It’s always fun to laugh about it later but it is not fun to watch those down feathers scatter to the wind when a snowstorm is set to move in. A broken lace, with 15 miles to go, is hardly humorous.

Enter the standby, our old friend…duct tape! It is as useful on trail as it is at home and, in a pinch, can determine the difference between a happy excursion and misery. I take some good duct tape (fabric, not plastic) and wrap it around my water bottle a few times, adding more for longer trips. You could also wrap some around a trekking pole or a flashlight…if you’re still using one in our world of headlamps.

So, what can you do with it?

• Quick emergency tent repair- either fabric rip or a pole repair
• Blister care- in a pinch, you can keep a hot spot from getting worse or protect a wound (although make sure you’re using some gauze between your skin and the actual wound)
• Croakies- if you’re on a paddling trip and lose your sunglasses strap, rig one up
• Repair a ripped Thermarest
• Stop those down feathers from running lose, whether it be coat, sleeping bag or booties
• Use it to pull stickers out of your fleece
• Fix a CamelBack hose with a puncture wound

So, what ideas to you have? How else have you utilized this go-to product?