Strength and Gender

  A friend from college recently wrote a blog post on struggling with gender roles and children. She is about to be a mother for the first time and, in choosing not to find out the gender of the baby, has had difficulty finding gender neutral clothing for her son/daughter-to-be. In her post, she also referenced this interesting article about gender roles at Halloween.

  Reading her post struck a cord for me. As a child I had a moderate Barbie collection and a pink room for a while. That's about as far as my youthful femininity extended. My Barbies played in the street water and gravel in front of our house, not in dream houses. My pink room was littered with small pets, trolls and seashells. I was a child of the 80's and while cabbage patch dolls (which are surprisingly gender-neutral in design) were all the rage, I don't remember identifying with "playing house." I don't think this aversion was from lack of influence. I watched Snow White and Aurora wait for their Prince Charmings like all of the other girls in elementary school.

  You see, I have a brother. And while I am the older sibling, he seemed to have the personality that dictated our childhood interests. When other girls were watching My Little Pony, I was finding female role models in X-Men and old Batman reruns. Even when we'd watch Rocky and Bullwinkle, I found a strong, independent female in Natasha...she never took flack from Boris...and had IDEAS...even if her proportions were a little too...errrr..Jessica Rabbit. I digress. After watching the aforementioned Sleeping Beauty, we would play Sleeping Beauty...only my mom was the "beauty" (she is), the family cat was the "spindle" and I was...well, I was the witch (no jokes please). Even in playing Disney, I played "strong female." We watched Top Gun (strong female), made up dances to the Back to the Future soundtrack, acted out plays and had dirt clod fights in the backyard. Somehow I feel as though my family celebrated and expected independence from both my brother and I. We were both taught gender equality (and let's be honest, there are just as many horrible stereotypes for men as there are for women). It was just the right thing to do.

Boris and Natasha

   I also have a fiercely independent mother, who broke norms in her life and in the way she raised us. My grandmothers were all (I had FOUR. long story) loving but also confident and opinionated. They were (are) interesting and that is what I loved about them. Sure, my Grandma C. had cool costume jewelry but I loved her jokes more. Grandma B made AWESOME blueberry pancakes but I love that I can talk politics with her more than her breakfast-making abilities.

To give equal credit, my dad has always been supportive of my athletic endeavors and love of learning, however I choose to pursue them.

  So, while I am right there with my friend in wanting to banish the "princess" and  "diva" from the female gender role, I think the community that surrounded me made much more of an impact than any Barbie ever did. This is a critical element that often gets overlooked. Who we become should have less to do with toy advertisements and sitcom stereotypes and MORE to do with being surrounded by great people who will love and encourage us no matter what. This is where we all hold the power...and I'm appealing to you women out there, here...to encourage and support each other no matter what. This is where we can put an end to judgement and "norms." This is where we can stop buying sparkly pink princess t-shirts for our girls and teach them that there is NO word to contain their personalities and passion.

  Even now, I try to continue breaking down these social norms. Mountianeering and Carharts were never "female" things on my radar as a kid and yet I enjoy them both immensely now. I am an outdoors woman but I know that there is no label, princess, hiker or otherwise, that I would feel comfortable defining me. I am a lot of things (not all of them good).
 To conclude this soapbox, let me tell you that in 6th grade, my school had a Halloween parade. My mom made me a costume (at my request) that I can only imagine would bring a heckuva lot of judgement and ridicule if I were a 6th grader wearing it today. It never occurred to me that there was anything different about my costume choice. It was just a fun idea. But I had a great community of teachers, friends and family that encouraged my thinking outside the box. Because being something other than a Hannah Montana or Belle was okay. No one tried to define me based on that one costume I wore that one year.

 I came to school dressed as "half man, half woman."

Take that gender roles!